Life has been too hectic & busy here lately... So, here is our update. Zoe had her initial surgery on 9/22 (she did great). We came home and she suffered a devastating fall that landed us in the ER (she & I were literally soaked in blood & I was scared to death). Zoe then had her "redo" surgery and it went well. Then, went to the doctor's office as scheduled to have her stitches removed. Went well. Got home. 2 hours later, her lip dehisced (layman terms: her lip came apart). Dehiscement is something that I learned about in nursing school (the rare complication following any surgery); never did I think I would see it in my career as a nurse MUCH LESS in my own kitchen in front of my very eyes! Again... it was a moment that you think at first "This has to be a dream" but then when the nausea hit me and feeling so dizzy that I had to squat you realize that it is VERY MUCH REAL along with all the blood. So, it was back to the doctor's office and then again back to the OR. By the time we made it to the OR the lip had completely come apart-a huge hole from the bottom of her nose to the top of her lip (not to be gross but it looked like hamburger meat; it was hard for me to even look at it). We just came home from the hospital TODAY about 3 hours ago. Needless to say that my nerves have been on edge this whole week and I feel like I cannot even relax because I am so paranoid that something is going to happen again. Zoe has been through 3 surgeries, 1 conscious sedation in the ER, 4 IV's all in 9 days. It breaks my heart but you know we have a real trouper. She doesn't give up. Honestly, at this point, I seriously wonder if I am the one that is suffering more than her because she continues to play and smile and clap her hands and I sit on the sidelines crying when she's not looking. I don't get her... she has every right to scream bloody murder and hate me for putting her through all of this. But, she doesn't.
My life right now is everything that Zoe does... we cannot let her walk, crawl, and we have to minimize crying (to avoid pressure to the newly repaired lip x3 now). Her tissue is very fragile. I have to syringe feed her, sleep with her to be sure that she does not roll over on her tummy or accidentally hit her face when turning at night. She is wearing arm restraints at all times (so that she does not bend her elbows and try to suck her thumb or put a toy in her mouth). It is exhausting. My Dad remains at my side (thank God!). Because of him I can use the bathroom & take a shower... and send this one email.
I have messages from people wanting to help. I so appreciate that. I can hardly think straight at this point so I don't even know what to ask for to be honest. If you would like to help out with a meal, please contact Amy Hollingsworth at 540-786-1856 (she is in our care group at our church and is trying to coordinate meals for us). Most of all, Eric & I would so appreciate your prayers. I have moments (OK, several moments) of weakness but I am staying strong. I don't understand why this has all happened, it doesn't seem fair or right. Zoe & my bond has definitely grown fierce as a result. I look into her eyes and am so overwhelmed at her beauty & strength, so overwhelmed by everything that we are going through, and even more overwhelmed that God chose me to be her mother. As sleep deprived as I may be right now and beyond exhaustion... there is no other place in this world that I would rather be.
Here we go... a new week... may God's grace carry us through, may His hand protect our little girl, may His love comfort our hearts & minds.
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